When All I Can Do is Pray

Sitting in my bed fresh off a shift of work that took more effort than I thought I’d be able to muster up at the moment, the sound of the rain on my window is not far from matching the pattern of the tears on my face. Heartbreak deeper than I thought I could feel; at this point in my life anyhow. The kind that leaves a pit in your stomach, and places a permanent brick on your chest, causing you to constantly struggle just to get enough air. Sorrow that makes you feel like the amount of effort it takes to get out of bed and brush you teeth is enough to cause you to need another full night’s rest.

It’s this feeling that I’ve been waiting on, and I just didn’t know it.

I’ve had this poem in me for a while. I’m still not exactly sure how it will assemble, how it will solidify, or what it will look like. I just know that it’s been here, patiently waiting for the moment that it breaks out of my soul and becomes concrete.

So here it is.

 

When All I Can Do is Pray

 

When winds are knocking

Louder than my bleeding fist

And my mind is more chaotic

Than the storm that Jesus so collectedly

Calmed with a simple “Be still”

When all I can do is pray

 

When things are tough &

I’m not sure that I’m tougher

And so I crumble beneath the

Mountains of fear that weigh on my

Soul, Heart, Mind, Body, Spirit, Peace

When all I can do is pray

 

When my insecurity eats away at

Every Word that you’ve spoken to my heart

And I am suddenly stricken with

Uncertainty and anxiety

That I will never be “good enough”

When all I can do is pray

 

When I feel like I am the only person

In an entire galaxy of planets

And loneliness slithers its way into

Every chamber of my heart

Every lobe of my brain

When all I can do is pray

 

When my faith is weaker

Than my knees that are ready to crumble beneath me

And I feel as if I am walking

Through this vast fire alone

With roaring blazes engulfing every part of me

When all I can do is pray

 

When my words aren’t enough

Because I’m seeking them, but not finding

And when the sorrows of my heart seem louder

Than the joys coming in the morning

But deep down I know to sing praises

When all I can do is pray

 

When I am facing my Goliath give me the courage of David

When I am anxious give me the certainty of Esther that I am born for such a time as this

When I feel as if I have lost everyone, give me trust and patience like Job

When I walk through fire, walk with me like you did with Shadrach, Meshach, & Abednego

And When I can’t find the right thing to say, give me words like the Psalmists

When all I can do is pray

 

When all I can do is pray

Make me like Jesus

Patient, steadfast, and full of courage

A mirror image of the Father who sits on the throne

The picture of trust, faithfulness, and love

When all I can do is pray.

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